Hobbits have it easy

There are some things in life that are more important than others. Brushing your hair is more important than going for a spray tan. Wearing matching underwear is more important than painting your nails bright pink. And wearing appropriate shoes that will suit the rest of your outfit is more important than anything and everything else.

Don’t you just hate it when, once the happily ever after of buying new shoes has come along and you find that actually, they don’t go with everything in your wardrobe despite you telling (and convincing) yourself that they will as you walk up to the counter to pay for them. Gosh Darn.

Shoes can, do and will alter your entire appearance, making you appear taller, fatter, thinner, trendier and more prone to compliments (as well as behind the back slagging): you’ve got to get it right.

Remember Lily Allen circa 2006? The prom dress and trainer combo took Britain, sadly, by storm and the ‘Council Estate Chic’ trend was, unfortunately, born. Thankfully, Lily has realised the error of her ways and has the kind and much needed help of Karl Largerfeld: she now looks in the mirror before leaving the house in the morning.

Girls have more of a chance to get it wrong:

Boys, for the most part, can generally get away with wearing jeans and trousers with trainers and smart shoes respectively (just don’t get them mixed up please, or I will chunder…everywhere)

Girls have the spoilt rotten choice of sandals, trainers, smart/casual flats, boots, mid-heels, high-heels and platforms. Oh and shoe boots too, I would quite like to have a pair of them, I feel they would greatly improve my quality of life. Really though, it’s not hard to match the appropriate foot covering to the rest of your outfit; all you have to do is look in the mirror a lá Lily Allen circa 2010.

The one thing I will absolutely, completely, 100% avoid however, is ankle straps. They ought to come with a warning: “CAUTION, will cause great offence to even those with long, toned, slim and seemingly perfect legs (side effects include cankles)”. My dad agrees.

Hobbits have it easy.